I was on the edge of a deep hole. After getting on my knees to check out the depth, I saw you standing there with your tiny hands to catch me. It took me awhile, like cliffdiving … it takes you a couple steps forward and back and running and stopping and … it just takes a lot out of you to jump into that crevice, erasing your mind of what if’s.
So I let down a rope, to kind of solidify my decision and I started slowly shimming myself further and further into the hole. The rope, only withstanding prob 1/60th of the depth of the hole, felt like my lifeline.
Towards the middle of our relationship I saw you standing there patiently, smiling, telling me to trust you, you’ll catch me, you’ll take care of me, i have nothing to worry about. Your smile and words soothed my body so much my muscles decided it was time to let go. I wanted to fall into you and for you to catch me, I was not only willing, but excited to let go.
So I decided it was time and at the last minute, I searched for you again and realized that you weren’t standing there. My muscles let go. I panicked and at the last millisecond grabbed back onto the rope.
Where did you go ?! FUCK! You left for a quick second cause you had to go to work, you had school, you forgot to stand there for me.
FUCK! I should’ve let go sooner.
FUCK! why am I hanging?
OMG! I COULD FALL AND NO ONE WOULD BE THERE TO CATCH ME.
So I climbed the rope with the last strength I had.
Save myself, save myself, save myself, i might fall, i can’t fall, save myself till I was standing once again … at the top of the hole.
This time though I didn’t turn around to check if you were still there … I walked a few paces and heard you screaming after me … “IM SORRY! IM SORRY I HAD TO GO DO SOMETHING! COME BACK!” … but by that time I was done with living on the edge for you. So I walked away and never looked back…