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I believe you now. When you said we were meant to be together and our timing is off. We had the right love, at the wrong time. Maybe someday the stars will align. I love you.

The last time I talked to you I was angry at you, I shouted till the end. Till your battery was 1% and died out, I was shouting. I was shouting when I should have just told you, I love you.

I don’t know how long I will love you for, but it’s the strongest love I’ve ever known. I know you still love me, and I know you still think about me, I can feel it. You loved me to your full capacity. You still are the love of my life and I meant what I said when my heart stubbornly insisted on you. I can’t unlove you at the moment. So I will sit and focus on the breeze in the trees, the sun on my skin, and the warmth of people’s hugs and hopefully that’ll get me by. Maybe one day I’ll find the ability to have butterflies again. I love you.

They say if you love something let it go, so I’m letting go. Letting fate steer my life. I know I may look happy, and sometimes I really am. But your face is still there, in the back of my mind. I don’t understand why the gods/fate has made it this way, for us not to be together … maybe I’ll understand in the future. I love you.

I watched Like Crazy and it’s almost as if someone took our year and wrote a movie about it. Me, reading what I wrote about you. Bubble baths and you, telling me you have never had this feeling with any other human being. (the movie had the SAME EXACT SCENES). It’s hard to believe that someone else is going through the exact same thing.

I considered fighting for you, sitting at your doorstep, waiting for you, but it really isn’t in my hands is it? I want you to be happy, even if it’s an ounce of happiness. You seem happy. I don’t want to ruin it.

As much as I’m hurting … sometimes I feel like I deserve the hurt. With what I did to you and Jeffrey, I deserve to have my low moments. I smile at the memories we shared and also smile knowing I am irreplaceable in your life. 

You be good darling, but promise me you will never forget how we fell in love with our toes.

Until we meet again.

Celene Diaz

Out of all the places in the library you had to ask to come sit right across from me on this tiny dingy table … ooooook. hundreds of free tables elsewhere at 9 AM in the library brosephine. now you’re testing me on my spelling. there’s a reason I put in my headphones and sat away from EVERYONE. 

 just a friendly reminder not to post anything on your old tumblr and also if you see herman over this month you owe josh a coffee & if it’s YOU who contacts him you owe josh a scone LOL let the games begin. You need to remember that you’ve done enough. he knows you love him and you need to stop, now … you’ve done too much. you’re the princess … you really need to realize that Celene … Boys are dirty pigs like Auntie E says, you have to find someone who loves you more than you love them. let him remember how much he loves you more than you love him … and let him come back to you. if not, it’s time to move on Celene … I’m sorry. I know how much you gave … but you need to move on … 

I was on the edge of a deep hole. After getting on my knees to check out the depth, I saw you standing there with your tiny hands to catch me. It took me awhile, like cliffdiving … it takes you a couple steps forward and back and running and stopping and … it just takes a lot out of you to jump into that crevice, erasing your mind of what if’s.

So I let down a rope, to kind of solidify my decision and I started slowly shimming myself further and further into the hole. The rope, only withstanding prob 1/60th of the depth of the hole, felt like my lifeline.

Towards the middle of our relationship I saw you standing there patiently, smiling, telling me to trust you, you’ll catch me, you’ll take care of me, i have nothing to worry about. Your smile and words soothed my body so much my muscles decided it was time to let go. I wanted to fall into you and for you to catch me, I was not only willing, but excited to let go.

So I decided it was time and at the last minute, I searched for you again and realized that you weren’t standing there. My muscles let go. I panicked and at the last millisecond grabbed back onto the rope.

Where did you go ?! FUCK! You left for a quick second cause you had to go to work, you had school, you forgot to stand there for me.

FUCK! I should’ve let go sooner.

FUCK! why am I hanging?

OMG! I COULD FALL AND NO ONE WOULD BE THERE TO CATCH ME.

So I climbed the rope with the last strength I had.

Save myself, save myself, save myself, i might fall, i can’t fall, save myself till I was standing once again … at the top of the hole.

This time though I didn’t turn around to check if you were still there … I walked a few paces and heard you screaming after me … “IM SORRY! IM SORRY I HAD TO GO DO SOMETHING! COME BACK!” … but by that time I was done with living on the edge for you. So I walked away and never looked back…

you are the one who does not see. You always tell me that i’m blind to how much you love me, but it seems like i’m always the one who has to open your eyes as to how much you love me. Why didn’t you drive away? Why did you come back here for? Why can’t you leave me alone? Why do you give me so much control over you? You can refuse a request at any time…. open your eyes please.

react, Celene, react. 

stop telling me what to do. you don’t know anything about anything. stop trying to act like you care when you always take yourself out. you can’t just come into my life whenever you feel like it. you react, you choose, but decide. freaking decide and stick to your guns already.